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What Probably Actually Happened

GQ:Do you know how many people you've slept with?
Harry:What?
Louis:Excuse me?
Harry:[hushed] Lou, it's okay.
Harry:I know the number of people I've slept with, yes.
GQ:What is that number?
Liam:What?
Zayn:Are you serious?
Harry:[sheepish] I'm definitely not telling you.
GQ:Can you give me a rough, ballpark figure?
Niall:Dude, he said he's not saying anything.
Louis:Back off, asshole!
Harry:No, I'm sorry, I won't.
GQ:Come on.
Harry:No!
GQ:Say "yes" or "no." Is it less than 100?
Zayn:Are you actually serious right now?
Louis:You're being horrendously rude.
GQ:Yes or no. Less than 100?
Harry:[embarrassed] No, it's definitely less than 100.
Niall:I can't believe this.
GQ:Lower than 50?
Zayn:Is no one going to stop this?
Harry:[sighs] Yes, lower than 50.
GQ:Lower than 30?
Niall:This is bullshit!
Harry:I'm not doing this! You're cornering me!
Zayn:You realize you're actually bullying a teenager, right?
Louis:Fucking back off!
GQ:Come on, you're a rock star!
Liam:What the fuck
Louis:So because he's famous he HAS to sleep with every girl he sees and you have the right to treat him like shit and pry into his personal life?
Niall:We're going to sue your ass off, I hope you realize.
GQ:Okay, less than 10.
Louis:Are you fucking deaf? Leave him alone!
Zayn:Seriously, this is intrusive and rude and we WILL have you fired.
Harry:[defeated, tearing up] Yes. Two people. I've only ever had sex with two people.
Niall:There.
Louis:Are you fucking satisfied now? [arms around Harry]
GQ:I don't believe you.
Liam:ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
Zayn:YOU FUCKING PIECE OF HORSE SHIT I'M GONNA
Niall:YOU BULLY HIM INTO TELLING YOU HIS PERSONAL BUSINESS AND THEN YOU TELL HIM HE'S A LIAR?!
Louis:[screams][flips table][tackles interviewer][beats the living shit out of him][cuddles Harry][kisses his forehead]
GQ:[makes up some lame response at the end to cover up the murder of their interviewer]
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